Superintendent of Stools arrested for ‘Defecating on school playing fields every day’
May 4, 2018 – A US education chief has been charged with repeatedly defecating on a high school football field and running track.
District superintendent Thomas Tramaglini, 42, was identified as the “mystery pooper” of Holmdel, New Jersey, after staff set up surveillance cameras.
He was arrested as he returned to the scene of the crime at Holmdel High School at 5.50am last Monday.
Police officers are believed to have observed him evacuating his bowels before confronting him as he began running at the school track.
Mr Tramaglini, who lives in nearby Matawan, New Jersey, was charged with lewdness, littering and defecating in public.
Holmdel Township Police Department said in a statement that staff and coaches at the school “were finding human faeces on or near the area of the High School track and football field on a daily basis.
The fact Mr Tramaglini has not been convicted of any crime has not stopped him being variously dubbed the "Pooperintendent”, the “poopetrator” and the “Mad Crapper” online.
WHAT DID WE AMERICANS GET STUCK IN OUR RECTUMS LAST YEAR?
Deadspin’s Christmas Day tradition returns. It is time to sound the depths of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits. Below are the strangest, most awkwardly shaped, and least pleasant objects that America has shoved into its various holes. God bless us, everyone.
My Winner: “ICE PICK IN RECTUM TO PUSH HEMORRHOIDS BACK IN”
My 9 favorite objects & excuses (Source lists more) per orifice, working south:
- DEFLATED BALLOON
- “PLACED TOILET PAPER IN EAR SO WOULDNT HAVE TO HEAR NEIGHBORS”
- CHESS PIECE
- “CRAYON STUCK IN EAR FOR 2 WEEKS”
- FAKE DIAMOND
- PAPER & AN ERASER
- DOG’S PAW
- PEBBLE FROM THE FISH TANK
- “STUCK A RAISIN UP HIS RIGHT NOSTRIL, BROTHER TRIED TO REMOVE WITH TWEEZERS BUT PATIENT MOVED”
- STOVE PELLET
- “WAS LAYING ON HIS BACK AT SCHOOL WHEN AN ERASER FELL INTO HIS NOSTRIL”
- PLASTIC SNAKE
- MAGNETS UP EACH NOSTRIL
- PLASTIC HEARTS IN EACH NOSTRIL
- MINI HOCKEY STICKS
- EGG DYE TABLET
- “ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED A PILL BOTTLE WHEN TAKING HIS MEDICATION”
- “WAS OPENING A BOTTLE OF SODA W/ HIS TEETH & BOTTLE CAP FLEW DOWN HIS THROAT”
- “PLAYING WITH A BLOW DART GUN, BLEW THE PIN OUT, IT HIT THE WALLFLEW BACK INTO PATIENTS THROAT AND HE SWALLOWED IT”
- “INHALED A WASP WHILE JOGGING NOW THROAT SWELLING”
- PAINT-STIRRING STICK & PAINT
- “HELD DOWN IN ART CLASS, CLASSMATE SHOVED SEQUINS DOWN THROAT”
- GLOW STICKS
- “CARVED DOWN PIECE OF DOMINO INCISED PENIS INSERTED DOMINO PIECE INTO PENIS NOW WANTS IT REMOVED”
- SANDAL BUCKLE
- DOLL SHOE
- “HAD PEBBLE STUCK IN PENIS WHILE SWIMMING IN A LAKE 3 WEEKS AGO”
- PEN CAP
- 3 INCH STRAIGHT PIN
- “MARBLE IN PENIS, CUT PENIS TRYING TO GET IT OUT”
- 6 SCREWS
- USB ADAPTER
- “SAT ON THE TOP OF A DOLL HOUSE AND THERE WAS A SPIKED ROOF”
- “WENT SWIMMING, WENT TO REMOVE TAMPON CANT LOCATE IT”
- “BOYFRIEND STUCK BOTTLE IN VAGINA. THE CAP CAME OFF AND GOT STUCK”
- SHARPENED PENCIL
- “PUT A BOUNCY BALL IN HER VAGINA, IT’S STUCK, WAS MASTURBATING”
- SMALL PAINTING KIT
- CIGARETTES AND LIGHTER
RECTUM (I couldn’t limit to 9 LOL)
- “USING A VIBRATOR LAST NIGHT, THOUGHT WAS INSERTING IN VAGINA, INTERRUPTED BY MOM & SAT UP QUICKLY, INSERTED IN RECTUM, CAN’T REMOVE”
- WINE CORK WRAPPED IN PAPER TOWELS, ELECTRICAL TAPE & A CONDOM
- “PER WIFE PATIENT SAT DOWN ON A SCREWDRIVER AND IT WENT UP HIS RECTUM”
- 2 DILDOS
- “PUT A PENCIL UP RECTUM TO MAKE BOWEL MOVEMENT TO GET GAUZE PATIENT SWALLOWED TO COME OUT”
- POSSIBLE SHOT GLASS
- “RECTAL FISSURE MASTURBATING FOR HER BOYFRIEND USING A HAIRBRUSH IN HER RECTUM YESTERDAY”
- NAIL CUTICLE TOOL
- EGG TIMER
- CURTAIN ROD
- “ICE PICK IN RECTUM TO PUSH HEMORRHOIDS BACK IN”
- HANDLE OF A TOILET BOWL BRUSH
- NUT AND BOLT
- “SMILEY HAND TOY FROM VENDING MACHINE, MOM NOTED A RUBBER HAND PROTRUDING FROM RECTUM”
- DECORATIVE PUMPKIN
- BOWLING PIN
- “SHOESHINE CONTAINER ALLEGEDLY INTOXICATED DID NOT KNOW GF INSERTED OBJECT”
- TUB DRAIN CAP
- WIFE’S SIX INCH VIBRATOR
- BROOM HANDLE
- SALT SHAKER